Strengthening Sibling Relationships

Strengthening Sibling Relationships

One of our greatest hopes as parents is that our children will have strong, supportive relationships with one another. Sibling relationships can be some of the most enduring and impactful bonds in a person's life. Research demonstrates that strong sibling relationships can increase lifelong satisfaction and protect individuals from loneliness and depression.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

Strong sibling relationships don’t usually look like constant harmony. They often look like:

• Arguing… and then coming back together
• Competing… but also cheering each other on
• Annoying each other… and still choosing to sit next to each other later

The goal isn’t “no conflict”—it’s repair, connection, and respect over time.

Siblings can disagree and have conflict while still being close. Conflict is a natural part of relationships as we have different opinions, miscommunicate, and can accidentally hurt each other’s feelings. It is within our homes and family relationships that children learn and practice essential life skills—especially conflict resolution.

1. Encourage Teamwork

Family Projects
Involve your children in joint projects that require collaboration. Whether it’s building a puzzle, creating a garden, or setting up a family event, working together toward a common goal strengthens their bond.

Chores
Assign chores they can do together. This builds responsibility, cooperation, and mutual reliance. Our kids often clean their bathroom together and turn it into a game—once even making it a themed event with songs. Sometimes, they’ll offer to help clean each other’s rooms and switch!

Try This (Easy Win):
Give them a shared challenge:
“You have 10 minutes to clean this space together—and if you do, we’ll play a game after.”

In the Moment Script:
“I’m not looking for perfect—I’m looking for teamwork.”

2. Celebrate Differences

Individual Strengths
Encourage your children to appreciate each other's unique talents. Celebrate each child’s strengths and talk about how those differences complement one another.

For example, when our kids attend each other’s activities, we encourage them to cheer each other on—and we don’t allow electronics so they stay engaged. While they may resist at first, they often come to value this tradition.

Avoid Comparisons
Each child is unique. Comparisons can foster resentment and rivalry. Research shows that perceived favoritism impacts self-esteem, parent relationships, and sibling relationships—even into adulthood.

Conversation Starter:
At dinner, ask:

• “What’s something your sibling is really good at?”
• “What’s something they helped you with recently?”

(Expect resistance at first—this gets easier with practice.)

3. Facilitate Conflict Resolution

This is one of the most important areas. It’s not whether siblings argue—it’s how they handle it. Conflict provides opportunities to learn communication, boundaries, and repair.

Active Listening
Teach children to listen to each other’s perspectives. Model this in your own interactions.

Problem-Solving Skills
Encourage them to come up with solutions and compromises.

Teach This Simple 3-Step Repair:

1. “I didn’t like when you…”
2. “It made me feel…”
3. “Next time, can you…?”

Example:
“I didn’t like when you took my toy. It made me feel mad. Next time, can you ask first?”

Parent Role Shift:
Instead of solving:

• ❌ “Give it back right now.”
• ✅ “Tell your brother what bothered you.”

4. Create Shared Experiences

Family Traditions
Create routines like game nights, outings, or holiday traditions to build shared memories.

Sibling One-on-One Time
Encourage siblings to spend time together intentionally. This helps deepen connection.

Sibling “Mini Dates” (Low Effort):

• 10–15 minutes
• Let them choose the activity:
• Build something
• Draw
• Play a game

Short, positive experiences are powerful.

5. Model Positive Relationships

Children learn how to relate by watching you.

Parental Modeling
Demonstrate respectful, healthy relationships in your own life.

Express Love and Affection
Show affection toward your children and encourage them to do the same.

Name What You Notice:

• “I saw how you helped your sister—that was really kind.”
• “You two figured that out together. That’s teamwork.”

This reinforces their identity as supportive siblings.

6. Encourage Shared Hobbies

Common Interests
Find activities they both enjoy and encourage them to engage together.

Skill Sharing
Have siblings teach each other their skills. This builds respect and confidence.

Even if their main interests differ, find something they can share.

7. Promote a Positive Home Environment

Safe Space
Create an environment where each child feels heard, valued, and safe.

Family Meetings
Keep these simple and consistent.

Try This Structure:

• High / Low / Buffalo (or Rose & Thorn)
• One appreciation:
  “Something I liked this week about our family…”
• One problem to solve together

This builds communication, trust, and connection.

8. Recognize and Address Jealousy

Acknowledge Feelings
Reflect rather than dismiss:
“So you were feeling jealous that I played that game with your brother?”

Normalize It:
“It’s really normal to feel jealous sometimes. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your sibling.”

Reducing shame helps reduce acting out.

Equal Attention
Aim for about 10 minutes of quality time per child daily (when possible). This doesn’t need to be elaborate—just intentional.

9. Involve Them in Caring for Each Other

Meaningful Involvement
Include siblings in caring roles without making it feel like a burden.

Examples:

• Helping feed a baby
• Making lunches
• Supporting routines

Be sure to praise these moments in front of siblings.

Support Roles
Encourage them to help each other—homework, emotional support, celebrating wins.

This builds reliance and connection over time.

10. Promote Empathy and Understanding

Role-Playing
Practice scenarios to build perspective-taking skills.

Quick Practice (30 Seconds):
After a conflict:

• “What do you think your sibling was feeling?”

If they’re unsure, scaffold:
“Do you think they felt left out, mad, or frustrated?”

Empathy Question:
“How do you think you made your sibling feel?”

If Your Kids Are Constantly Fighting…

You are not alone—and it does not mean your children won’t be close later in life.

What matters most:

• Do they learn to repair?
• Do they feel emotionally safe?
• Are there still positive moments between conflicts?

If things feel intense, focus on:

• Increasing small positive interactions
• Interrupting conflict cycles earlier
• Coaching instead of controlling

Think of yourself less as a referee and more as a relationship coach.

If this feels like a lot, start with just two things:

1. Create one small shared positive experience each week
2. Coach one conflict instead of solving it

Small, consistent moments matter far more than big, occasional efforts.

Building strong sibling relationships takes time, intention, and patience. The goal is not to eliminate conflict, but to equip your children with the tools to navigate it—and to build a relationship rooted in connection, respect, and support.

~Dr. Jordana