Raising Kids Who Can Handle Technology

Technology tends to pull parents toward extremes.

• On one end is full access: handing kids devices and hoping they figure it out responsibly.
• On the other is total restriction: keeping screens, apps, and phones completely out of reach for as long as possible.

Most parents we work with don’t actually want either extreme. They want their kids to grow up capable, thoughtful, and safe, without feeling like technology is running the show.

That’s where a different framework helps: insulating instead of isolating.

Why isolating kids from technology doesn’t actually prepare them

The instinct to shield kids from harmful or overwhelming content makes sense. Technology can expose children to things they aren’t developmentally ready for.

But research on child development is clear on one thing: avoiding something entirely doesn’t teach kids how to handle it. It just delays the learning.

Kids build judgment, impulse control, and emotional regulation through practice with support. When technology is completely off-limits, children miss opportunities to:

• Learn how to stop and think before reacting
• Notice how content affects their mood
• Practice recovering from mistakes with an adult’s guidance

Research on adolescent development shows that the brain systems for self-control and thoughtful decision-making don’t fully mature until young adulthood, which means kids benefit from guided, supported experiences as they learn — rather than being left to figure everything out alone.  (Steinberg, 2008; Nesi et al., 2018). Studies of how parents guide kids’ media use also suggest that active involvement with kids’ media use — like talking about content and co-engaging — is linked with better self-regulation and thoughtful use of technology.(Nathanson, 2015; Padilla-Walker & Coyne, 2011; Radesky et al., 2015)

Isolation delays the process.
Insulation supports it.

What “insulating” your child actually means

Insulating isn’t permissive parenting.
It isn’t hands-off.
And it isn’t pretending that technology doesn’t come with risks.

Insulating means your child uses technology with you close enough — physically or emotionally — to help them learn how to manage it.

That looks like:

• Introducing technology slowly and intentionally
• Staying present during use, especially early on
• Talking openly about what they’re seeing and how it feels
• Setting limits and explaining why they exist
• Adjusting boundaries based on readiness, not just age

This is how kids learn everything else — from riding a bike to managing friendships. We don’t keep them from trying. We stay close enough to guide.

Insulation often lives in the pause

One of the most practical ways insulation shows up is resisting the urge to answer every tech request with an immediate yes or no.

Recently, my (Dr. Erin’s) five-year-old daughter came home asking to watch K-Pop Demon Hunters after hearing about it from other kids at school. Instead of immediately saying “yes” because it’s popular, or “no” because the title sounded intense, my husband and I paused.

We watched the first ten minutes ourselves.

What we noticed was important: the music and style were totally fine for her. The demon imagery, though, felt too scary for her sensitivity.

So we said no to the show — and yes to the music.

That distinction mattered. It showed her that:

• Her request was taken seriously
• The boundary wasn’t arbitrary
• Protection doesn’t mean dismissal

That’s insulation in action.

Why this approach works

When parents slow down and evaluate tech thoughtfully — especially out loud — kids start to internalize an important message:

“My parent is thinking with me, not just controlling me.”

Research on how parents guide kids’ media use shows that active involvement — like co-engaging with media and talking about content — is linked with stronger self-regulation and more thoughtful technology use over time.

Just as importantly, kids begin to learn how to evaluate things themselves:

• “How does this make me feel?”
• “Is this a good fit for me right now?”
• “What part of this actually matters?”

Those are the exact skills we want kids to have when we’re no longer previewing content for them.

What insulation can look like at different ages

Early childhood
Sit together. Narrate what’s happening. Ask simple questions. Keep content slow and limited. At this stage, your presence matters more than the program.

Elementary years
Offer limited independence with regular check-ins. Watch or play together first, then step back gradually. Use real examples to talk about ads, frustration, and kindness.

Middle school and beyond
Privacy becomes more important, but guidance still matters. Keep conversations open about group chats, social pressure, and emotional reactions. Mistakes become learning moments — not punishments.

Across ages, insulation sends the same message:
“You don’t have to figure this out alone, and, you don’t have to be perfect at it.”

The goal isn’t protection forever — it’s preparation

Technology is part of your child’s world. Avoiding it completely doesn’t prepare them for adulthood — it just postpones the learning curve.

Insulating your child means:

• Lending them your judgment before they can fully use their own
• Helping them notice emotional reactions and social pressure
• Teaching them how to pause, reflect, and adjust

Over time, your voice becomes internal.

The bottom line

The question isn’t:
“How do I keep my kids away from technology?”

It’s:
“How do I stay close enough to help them learn how to use it well?”

Insulation — not isolation — is what supports real growth.

Want more support navigating tech with confidence?

At Mind & Child, we focus on practical, research-grounded strategies that help parents stay calm, clear, and connected—especially in complex areas like technology, emotions, and boundaries.

Our membership is built for parents who don’t want extreme rules or one-size-fits-all advice. Inside, you’ll find:

• Thoughtful guidance for real-life hard parenting moments. 

• Language you can actually use with your child

• Tools that grow with your family—because what works at five looks very different at fifteen

You don’t need to eliminate technology.
You don’t need to parent perfectly.

You need support that helps you think with your child—so you’re not doing this alone.

If that sounds like what you’ve been looking for, we’d love to support you inside the Mind & Child membership.

More tech support from Mind & Child

If you’d like to keep learning, these resources may also be helpful:

• Technology Safety Basics for Kids 
  A practical overview of how to think about safety without fear-based rules.

• How to Keep Screen Time Manageable 
  A realistic approach to limits that actually works in real families.

• A Technology Reset for Your Family 
  How to step back, recalibrate, and rebuild healthier tech habits when things feel off.

• Family Technology Contract (Free Download) 
  A simple, parent-guided agreement you can adapt as your child grows.

Dr. Erin Avirett and Dr. Jordana Mortimer